Does Not Compute April 4, 2008

First of all, it’s really driving me crazy that the new formatting for this blog won’t allow me to use the return key.  I need to be able to make paragraphs.  Otherwise, the five paragraphs turn into one, unappealing jumble of words, lacking the emphasis and grammatically correct usage of The Paragraph.  Seriously driving me crazy.  I know I’m a technological invalid, but come on.  Let me push enter and create my paragraphs.  Please.  Re-entry into scholastic life was rocky, going from Paradise to The Final Push.  My tan is still holding strong, and therefore I have a daily reminder that I had a lot of fun recently; this is good, as it keeps me from pulling my hair out at the roots and walking out of class(es).  The notion of a speedy eight and half weeks until my graduation is a little bit crazy.  I can feel the Emotional Trainwreck inside of me gearing up for a really world class temper tantrum.  On the one hand, I am about to crawl out of my skin the need to move out of NC is so strong.  I love my home.  I’ll always return.  But 30 years in a row is enough for now.   I dream about my departure to L.A. every day, five times at least.  It’s scary and feels very far away right now, but there’s a sense of satisfaction, knowing I have finally come far enough in my life to pursue my dreams with the confidence that I will achieve all of my goals.  L.A. is where 8 year old me wanted to live, and now, 22 years later, it still sparkles just as bright.  On the other hand, I hate leaving this lush, gorgeous place full of so many people that I adore and cherish and need.   I’m not worried about friendships falling away, I have a pretty good track record of keeping in touch; its my brother, and my parents, and real barbeque sandwiches and the mountains and the beach and all the green green trees, all the hicks and the lazy rivers and the cheap beer I used to enjoy.  Mostly, I think I’m scared because this move signifies such a change, that of everything I’m letting go of.  I’ve held on to too many old habits and buried fears that just Aren’t Who I Am Anymore, and I feel (hope) that this move will be just the thing to help me really air out the corners and put things back in, organized and tidy.  Mind you, I’m a bit petrified to walk away from this enviroment, these people, my perfect, delightful, lovely dream kitchen, and the ability to worry about my grades instead of worrying about student loan payments.  It is the right decision, though.  I can tell something grand is waiting for me out there, I just have to show up and find it.   In other news, my last student theater experience is nearly over.  One and a half more weeks of Paint Frenzy, and then what essentially amounts to my thesis show, is complete.  And oh my gosh, it’s gonna be memorable.  Unorthodox, too abstracted, and way too fuckin’ long at 4 hours with only one intermission, but people will think about it.  That’s why I like my job, I suppose.  It would seem people think far too little, of late.