I’ve hit a wall with the script. It’s so gosh-darned good thus far, and I think I am cramped up with trying to make it perfect the first time around, edits be damned! that I have inadvertantly set myself up for finger-biting agony for the duration of this process. So I’m trying not to force, and make myself crazy, but I’ve set this mandatory one-hour writing block per day, and so here I am again, Dear Reader, expounding on almost nothing, for your enjoyment?
Okay, so the truth is there are lots of snags in my plan. My confidence in my ability to accomplish this wild feat of making a movie is unflagging, but man oh man, it’s a complicated affair. There is so much that I don’t know about business, I’m not even always sure where to start with my questions. Right now, I am focusing on creating a mission statement, understanding what a business is really composed of, as it pertains to the entertainment industry, and then figuring out where to find those elusive Numbers. Additionally, trying to realistically understand the barebones crew I will have to have, and how much money the people and the supplies will cost me, based on how much time it’s going to take us–it’s mind-boggling. I will, however, figure it all out, and write a delightful little script, in the meantime.
There are resources, so many resources; the second I decided what I really ought to be doing, really and truly, these people essentially start tumbling out of the woodwork with their Connections and their Good Ideas. It’s like the universe wants me to make a movie or something. But it’s scary, and I’m tired, and it’s so burdensome being poor when trying to do Something Big. Kevin Smith did it with his credit cards, so can I. Heh heh. I’ve spent my entire adult life with no credit, disabling me to receive any credit, and now my big plan is to max that shit out the second I can? Yes, quite likely. Maybe I am a gambler, after all.
So many answers I need are dictated by location, and that is another snag in my master plan. I’m in love with Albuquerque, NM, and this morning I woke up thinking, there is no way in Hell I’m moving all the way to the southwest to undertake a venture that requires a network of people–I can’t do this alone, that’s for certain–and I’m going to sacrfice a network of 400+ in my time zone, for a network of 4 with a possible fifth? It doesn’t make sense by the light of this day.
Is it simply cold feet about moving three days drive away from 99.2% of the people I love the most? Could be. Is it the knowledge that North Carolina is the jam, packed with awesome people, diverse topography and mostly mild weather? Yep. Or maybe it’s the business know-how I’m acquiring free of charge, every day at work–see, how it works is, the most profitable, prolific businesses in the world pay these local folks to give their upper level executives 90-minute business seminars. They bring in best-selling authors and CEOs and motivational statisticians to energize and inspire management, training them all in how to facilitate dynamic relationships that will increase efficacy and innovation. There’s a whole bunch of sensitivity trainings and quizzes on how to be more likeable that I have to wade through, as well, like the dutiful scribe I am, but between that stuff, I get to hear the Big Guys tell other people the secrets of their success. Almost as value as a semsesters worth of MBA, I’d wager. Maybe more.
The thing I keep hearing over and over is that it’s all about network, the team, team-building, team-diversifying, and what I can’t escape all day today is that my team is here. An important part of my team is Over There in the mesas, but a giant majority of my team is right here on the East Coast. I think for me to be successful, I need to stay where my team is.
And she changes her mind again. Shocking.
I’m getting to that point in my life where I almost get embarrassed to tell people, no, I’m not doing that thing that I thought I was going to be doing, after all. I’m gonna do this other thing over here, and see what happens. I’m mostly happy, so I guess that counts for something in the midst of all that uncertainty, but man! it would feel good to just go ahead and dig in. My generation is different from all the ones that come before in that we are the first that have held an average of 3.5 jobs with the first five years after college. Our parents might have had some career changes in their day, but it was the norm to hop on after you got out of college, and ride it until you retired, whatever it may be for each individual. Not us. We hop around, our ADD driving us to always be engaged, no coasting. No settling. We can be anything. We can do anything. The world is oyster.
There are sacrifices, though. Stability seems to be in short supply with a lot of folks these days, myself surely included. I’m just not where I thought I would be, you know? And that’s okay; my life is rich and entertaining, busy and beautiful. I wouldn’t trade it, I don’t think. There are just so many decisions; do I stay or do I go? Do I focus on getting the money to make the art, or making the art to get the money? How can I do both at once?
My valerian tea just kicked it. ‘Nite nite.